Converses, denim jackets, scrunchies, shimmer makeup, wide-leg jeans – the list of retro fashion statements making a comeback in the year of the throwback that 2017 has become is endless. And there are some we are pleased to see again, not just because we can throw on an old pair of boot-cut jeans on to nip to the shops when all your skinnies are in the wash and accidentally look cool, but because we can root through our wardrobes and resurrect some absolute gems. However there are some fads I am so glad died with the decade and we should vow to implement a Do Not Resuscitate order on.
The Ones We Love
Not always the most flattering, you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your perfect fit so to speak. But done right dungarees look super cool so you can nail the laid-back Sunday afternoon look. If you’ve never tried them, the joy of wearing jeans without the waistband digging into your post-lunch potbelly is a pleasure like no other. They were also essential after my C-section. However, bit of a faff when you need the loo.
When I hear the word ‘backpack’, I picture my awkward teenage-self waiting for the bus to school with an entire library on my back. But believe it or not they have made a comeback. Even Burberry is paying homage to the archive style with their reworked rucksack, which, by the way, they are selling for an eye-watering £895. The new-generation backpack aptly named ‘Joy’ and brought to you by KeriKit is a cheaper alternative and is not just a novelty or a fashion statement; as a mummy of three its an absolute godsend. With designated pockets for all my mummy needs, including bottle holders and a waterproof pocket for dirty clothes, its not just pretty, its practical too. The backpack is so much more than a fashion statement – unlike most bags they are actually functional, innovatively organising all your daily essentials with hands-free sophistication.
With the infamously unreliable weather that British summer brings, embroidered denim will be your go-to fashion piece. We’re all just going to have to accept that it will never quite be warm enough to get out of jeans for a prolonged period of time in the UK. At least some floral embroidery will make you feel at least a little bit summery. These Zara jeans have already been a staple of my spring wardrobe.
Tousled Kate Moss Hair
I’m pretty sure its one of the ten commandments as a mother: Thou shalt always support a beauty trend that one can achieve by accident. Same goes for the smoky eye; I always seem to nail it after a night out when I can’t be bothered to take my face off after which is the silver lining of the hangover the next day. I may have a headache that could slay a walrus and no hangover is ever worth it now I have kids but at least I look bloody amazing.
A bit of a curve-ball I will admit, but if Jennifer Anniston could pull it off with the ‘Rachel’ hair, anything is possible. A much better alternative to the vampy deep purple lip too; sure I want to flaunt my fashion identity but I don’t want to scare my children.
Thank you to whichever fashion editor resurrected this trend, there should be a national holiday in your name. Swimsuits are just fab; they suck you in in all the right places and with a scooped back and a high leg you can still feel totally sexy. This one by Polo Ralph Lauren channels the retro Baywatch feel and nails the look. Disclaimer: a wax will be essential.
… And the Ones with a Do Not Resuscitate Order
I remember crimping my hair at 15 for the school disco and trying to convince my father that it was the height of fashion, ‘look it up,’ I told him. He let me leave and now the photos still haunt me – I have still not forgiven my father. Do we as parents have some sort of moral responsibility to prevent our children from making a fashion faux pas? Is there a protocol on this that my father was unaware of? Answers on the back of a postcard please.
Underwear as outwerwear is very hit and miss. Bralet and a blazer = very sexy and sophisticated. Thong poking above jeans for a ‘whale tail’ = heinous. Even without said whale tail, I resent low rise jeans for the inevitable muffin tops they produce. They are not retro, they are a sin.
T-Shirts Over Long-Sleeve T-Shirts
Why? What is the thought behind it?? This is one step away from shorts being worn over trousers and as a society we cannot let this happen.
The Denim Skirt – Ugg Boot Combo
I concede British weather is unreliable. But is it ever warm enough to wear a thigh-skimming denim skirt and yet cold enough that we need footwear suitable for the Arctic at the same time? Don’t feel too guilty if you were a culprit, it happened to queen B too.
They may have been cute in the 90’s but now they are synonymous with drug dealers at festivals. Sure you could look retro and cool but you could also look like Kevin and Perry. Not a risk I am willing to take.